So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
