Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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