Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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