Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
