May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
