There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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