Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
