we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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