There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
