Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
