There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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