My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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