i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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