2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
