All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
