I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just want nice things and good sex
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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