was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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