I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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