Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
