I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
