why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
where are you?
Hypothermia
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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