Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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