She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize