its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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