The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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