Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
