She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
