He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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