You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
