we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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