So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize