The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
