dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
