well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize