so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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