peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you bring me the toilet please
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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