I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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