It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
