smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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