what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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