Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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