we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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