You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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