That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
