she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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