I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
