sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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