I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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