??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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