Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
