I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
