hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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