so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
