Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize