i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
