I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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