I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
