I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
