Sry I called you an 8
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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