just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
