help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
