I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize