this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
