In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
