trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
