Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
