I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
