Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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