Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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