I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
