Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
