SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
