wakey wakey hands off snakey
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
